Friday, March 05, 2004

Will Someone Please Bitch-Slap Miss Tyra For Me?

Every once and a while, a TV show comes on that is just so bad that I am compelled to watch it. (Yes, I am a perverse, unhappy creature.)

On Tuesday nights, I've been watching America's Top Model on UPN. It's a reality show where 15 girls compete to be a model. They have their pictures taken by professional photographers in a variety of awkward poses and go to Milan to have their portfolios seen by different fashion houses. Every week, one model is dismissed, until one remains. The winner gets some modeling deal.

The girls are judged on their looks and disposition. Strong willed girls are quickly weeded out. Girls who have even the slightest amount of body fat end up puking in the bathroom. One girl this week was told that she had a bad body; she was a size 4. Another girl smiles a lot, and she's told that she's too commercial. Not enough heroin chic. In fact, the front runner is a former drug addict.

It is just so un-PC that I can't believe that this show exists. The Miss America contest at least has a talent portion, and the contestants have to pretend that they are going to go college and have some sort of a commitment to world peace. Compared to the girls on America's Top Model, the Miss America contestants are chubby.

The judges themselves are a riot. Janice Dickinson has the gravelly voice of a 2 pack a day smoker and the mouth of a trucker. Her Studio 54 years have taken their toll, and her face is held together only through the skill of the surgeon's knife. She sneers at the girls' pictures and says bluntly, "you look like sh*t." "This is the worst picture I have every seen." "She should sell toothpaste. She's not a model." "Look at her ass. It's huge."

Tyra Banks sits in the middle regally listening to the other judges rip apart the girls' appearances. Tyra refers to herself as "Miss Tyra" or "Miss Tyra Banks." Then she calls each girl forward and corrects their personality flaws as well. I have a strong urge to bitch slap "Miss Tyra."

Why is this show on television? Where are the feminist protests of this show? Disgusted and appalled.

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