Monday, March 29, 2004

Public Enemy #1

You are a menace to every coffee shop in the Northern hemisphere. You are triggering a rash of coffee rage. You know who are. You are the selfish sipper-taster-mixer at the milk station at Starbucks.

Yes, I have seen you. You approach the milk station with your grande half caff/half decaff with a cell phone attached to your ear. As you chat with your buddy, Tiffany, you add a drop of skim milk, then taste. Then add a smidgen of sugar. Stir. Stir. Taste. Smack your lips. Add a sprinkle of cinnamon. Taste. Stir. Add more milk. Pour out some of the over flowing mess. Taste. Add Sugar. Laugh with Tiffany about what the boy at the bar said. Sip. Sip. Stir.

Meanwhile, the line grows behind you. The lady behind me spills her cup. And you continue with the science of the perfect cup of coffee and chatter on the cell.

Here's what you do, honey. It's really very simple. Go for the half and half and dump it in. If you must add sugar, one shake is enough. Stir at your table, please. And if it isn't perfect, tough. Because if you try to cut in line to get more milk, I'm going to do some permanent damage to that cell phone.

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