Wednesday, July 30, 2003

From Dearest Brother

Dear Laura,

You mustn't go. One of my aides placed your letter on my desk this morning--and I have been in a fog ever since. I have instructed my staff to clear their calendars and hang up on all those whining 9/11 families and union money grubbers. Our energies are now totally focused, like a precision bomb, upon your difficulties. One abiding question is foremost in all of our fevered little minds, and I mean even the janitors: How can we stop Laura from decamping to the suburbs?

An obvious solution is to immediately arrest and deport the drug dealers outside your window. But I realize your difficulties are more complex and varied. Our Keep Laura in New York Task Force will not rest until we have drafted a forceful solution.

We will keep you posted.

Stay, Laura. I love New York. And so do you.

Mike Bloomberg

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